Returning to “normal” life after grief is not a sudden decision, but a slow, often uncertain process. This is particularly difficult when you have lost a loved one with dementia, as the goodbye often begins long before the actual passing. The gradual fading of memories and changes in personality are all losses that had to be grieved over and over again. When the loss of someone with dementia finally occurs, we are not only saying goodbye to a person, but also to a long, emotionally exhausting period of our lives.
Grief Takes Time
It is important to understand that grief is not something that needs to be “closed” or forgotten. On the contrary: the memory of a loved one with dementia can stay with us in a healthy way if we give it space in our lives. You don’t have to erase the past to move forward. Preserving memories can help the relationship live on in a different form. Making a memory book, keeping a journal, writing down shared stories, or organizing photos all help preserve what was important. This way, your loved one does not disappear but remains present in your daily life.
Grief takes time. There is a reason we speak of a year of mourning: during the first year, every holiday, anniversary, and routine event takes on a new meaning and often brings painful memories to the surface. It’s not worth rushing this process. Mood swings are completely natural: one day everything might feel lighter, while another day, feelings of sadness or emptiness may unexpectedly return.
Routine and Friends
To slowly find your way back to daily life, small, stable anchors can help a lot. Re-establishing a daily routine—regular meals, sleep, and physical activity—all contribute to making everyday life feel more manageable. Habits don’t make the pain go away, but they help keep us from drifting away entirely.
You don’t have to walk this path alone. The presence of friends and family is often healing in itself. If you feel that it is too difficult to cope with your feelings on your own, it is worth seeking professional help. A counselor can help you understand the processes going on inside you and provide support in finding your own way after the loss.
New Goals
As time passes, a desire to set new goals may slowly emerge. These don’t have to be big or permanent. In fact, at first, it is especially important to start with small, achievable goals: a walk in nature, picking up an old hobby, or organizing a meetup. Later, these small steps can build into bigger dreams. Hobbies, creativity, and new experiences are not about forgetting; they are about filling life with meaning again.
Your Own Feelings
Grief never fully disappears, but it transforms. After a while, it no longer carries just pain, but a quieter, deeper connection to the person you lost. And although life will never be exactly as it was before, it can once again offer meaning and joy while you preserve everything that was important.
One of the most important parts of processing grief is getting in touch with your own feelings. We often instinctively try to suppress the pain, distract ourselves, or “stay strong,” as if showing sadness were a weakness. In reality, the opposite is true. Healing begins when you recognize what is happening inside you and allow yourself to experience it.
It is important to be mindful of your emotions: tell yourself or others what you are feeling—whether it is sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief. These are all natural reactions, especially after saying goodbye to someone with dementia. Feelings are not “bad” or “good”; they just are. If you give them space, they will change, soften, and transform over time.
Sadness is Not the Enemy
Being mindful also helps you avoid trying to escape the pain. Sadness is not the enemy; it is a form of our love. If you constantly run away from it—by keeping too busy, using distractions, or completely shutting down your feelings—the grieving process gets stuck. Allowing yourself to cry, to be silent, and to remember is a necessary step forward.
It can also help a lot if you dare to talk about death and loss. Although this is still considered a taboo in many cultures, spoken words often relieve internal tension. An honest conversation with friends, family, or a professional can help you feel less alone in your experience.
Everyone Grieves Differently
In the meantime, it is important to keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. There is no “right” way, and there is no set timeframe. Some people begin to open up to the world sooner, while others need more time. Comparison only creates unnecessary pressure. Respecting your own pace is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself during this time.
Grief is not a straight line, but a fluctuating process. And although it may sometimes feel like your emotions are overwhelming you, they are actually leading you through the loss—slowly, step by step.
The Grieving Process That Begins While Your Loved One Is Still With You –
Living with Loss: A Family Caregiver’s Guide to Grief and Dementia –
It’s Your Time Now
When someone cares for a loved one with dementia for a long time, they often put themselves completely in the background. Daily life is organized around the other person’s needs. After the loss, however painful it may be, a point comes when it’s important to realize: you can—and must—take care of yourself now.
Your body and soul have been under heavy strain for a long time, so you need rest now. Allow yourself to recover from the accumulated exhaustion and finally sleep through the night. Sleep helps your nervous system calm down and process everything you have been through.
Movement is also key. You don’t have to think of big things right away: a walk in the fresh air, a light bike ride, or a trip to nature can offer a lot on its own. Regular exercise not only strengthens your body but also gives your soul something to hold onto. You can even make stretching a part of your daily routine; a few minutes in the morning or evening can help release tension.
Eating is also a form of self-care. Now you have the opportunity to pay more conscious attention to what you eat. You can prepare simple, healthy meals that nourish your body and give you energy.
Returning to a community can also mean a lot. A dance class, a club, a meeting with friends—anything that gets you out of the house. Dancing can be especially liberating: it is movement, joy, and being present all at once.
As the days go by, these small steps come together. A walk, a good meal, a deep sleep, a shared laugh—they all help you find your way back to yourself. There is no need to rush, and you don’t have to change everything at once. But it is important to know: you matter now, too. And you have the right to recharge, to live, and to find your balance again.
Remember: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Your well-being matters just as much as your loved one’s. For more support on navigating guilt, preventing burnout, and building emotional resilience, visit our Caring for the Caregiver: A Guide to Mental Health and Emotional Resilience – Dementia in Practice Sanctuary. You are not alone in this journey.
Important Disclaimer
The information and advice presented on this website and in this article are for informational purposes only. They do not constitute a medical diagnosis or individual therapeutic recommendations. The operator/author of the website assumes no liability for any direct or indirect damages, health issues, or misunderstandings resulting from the use of this information. Everyone applies the described methods at their own risk. Please consult your physician before making any lifestyle changes or applying any complementary therapies.
About the Author
Suzanne Sandwiese – Dementia Caregiver, Mental Health Assistant
I have more than 12 years of practical experience in caring for elderly people and patients living with dementia. My goal is to translate knowledge about dementia into understandable, practical advice that can be applied in daily life, thereby helping families live together with the disease. As the author of several professional books and the founder of a popular Facebook page, my mission is to provide clear and, above all, usable guidance to all those who care for loved ones living with dementia.