Caring for a mother or father with dementia is one of the greatest acts of love, yet it is also one of the most taxing challenges a family member can face. This isn’t a “job” you can just leave at the end of the day. It is a constant presence, a steady watchfulness, and a state of being that is both emotionally and physically exhausting.
Meanwhile, your own life continues. Your family, your children, your grandchildren, the household, and everyday chores all need attention. Days are crowded; often, by morning, you already feel that every single minute is spoken for. In these moments, the idea of “time for myself” can feel almost absurd. How could it possibly fit in? Yet, this is exactly when you need it most.
A family member who cares for someone with dementia over a long period is under immense pressure. If you constantly push your own needs to the background, it is easy to start down a path that leads straight to burnout. Alongside burnout, psychosomatic illnesses often appear. The body signals that something is wrong: constant fatigue, headaches, sleep troubles, anxiety, or digestive issues. The immune system weakens, making you more vulnerable to illness. And all the while, you slowly lose yourself.
The role of a caregiver can fill every space, until there is no room left for the person you used to be. Joys, rest, and recharging are pushed aside or disappear entirely.
But let’s be honest: we only live once. And in this one life, there must be room for something more than just duties. You need a little joy. You need rest. You need those few moments when you exist not for someone else, but for yourself. We can only look after our families and truly be present in the lives of our children and grandchildren if we are healthy ourselves—both in body and soul. The foundation of this health is rest and taking time for yourself. If you don’t do this, you will eventually run dry. And then, you won’t be able to give the way you want to.
Paradoxically, taking time for yourself doesn’t take away from the care you provide; it makes it possible. It gives you the strength to stay by a loved one with dementia in the long run. It allows you not just to look after them physically, but to truly be with them, to connect, and to turn toward them with patience and love.
It’s about being there for each other as long as possible. It’s about not just “getting through” this time with a mother or father with dementia, but actually living it—despite all the hardships. To do this, you need to be able to stay present. And for that, it is essential to stop once in a while and think of yourself too.
How Can a Family Member Caring for Someone with Dementia Find Time for Themselves?
One of the most common things you hear from a caregiver is: “I don’t have time for this.” And it’s true: the day is full of tasks, responsibilities, and unexpected situations. When looking after a mother or father with dementia, it often feels like every minute is taken. However, if there is no time for yourself, there will eventually be a price to pay. That’s why it’s important to consciously create space for it.
Why Saying “No” is Vital When Caring for a Loved One with Dementia –
1. Setting Priorities – The First and Most Important Step
Take a piece of paper. Simply and honestly write down your tasks for a day or a week. Don’t sugarcoat it or shorten it; put everything on the list. Then, look at it and ask: what is truly the most important? What is essential? What can be outsourced? What can be left to someone else? Perhaps a family member, a friend, or even outside help can take over certain tasks.
2. The Courage to Say “No”
Many people are afraid to say no. They fear conflict, hurting others, or appearing like a “bad person.” It is vital to recognize your limits and speak them out loud. You might need to call a family meeting and honestly say what you can still manage and what is simply too much.
3. Scheduling Short but Regular “Me-Time”
Many think that rest requires hours. In reality, even a few minutes matter. Taking 5–10 minutes several times a day can make a huge difference. A quick breathing exercise. A mindfulness meditation. A cup of coffee is enjoyed slowly and in silence, rather than in a rush. Listening to a favorite song. A short bit of reading or even a crossword puzzle can help you reconnect with yourself.
4. Bringing Hobbies Back into Your Life
For many caregivers, the activities that once brought joy vanish completely. But these aren’t “extras”—these are the things that truly recharge us. Even once a week dedicated to a hobby can help. A Zumba class, a craft session, a community event—anything that brings joy. This often requires organization: finding a substitute, asking for help, and planning ahead.
“Me-Time” is More Than Just Time – The Real Meaning of Self-Care as a Caregiver
When we hear the phrase “making time for yourself,” we often think of sitting down with a coffee, reading a few pages, or listening to music. And yes, those are important moments.
But self-care is much more than that. It’s not just about the amount of time, but how you treat yourself in your daily life. This includes a healthy lifestyle, physical activity, proper nutrition, and regular medical check-ups. These are all part of “me-time,” even if they don’t always feel relaxing. In the long run, these are the things that keep us going.
When caring for a loved one with dementia, it’s easy to push your own health aside. You might put off a check-up, grab a quick bite instead of a real lunch, or skip exercise because “there’s no time.” But the truth is, you must make time for these because they provide the foundation for handling the daily strain.
A healthy lifestyle doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to change everything at once. In fact, it’s best to take small steps. For example, start by cutting out sugary drinks. Or try adding a serving of vegetables to every lunch. Later, you can reduce the amount of heavy, flour-based foods.
Physical activity is also part of self-care. You don’t need to think of intense workouts right away. Even a short walk, some yoga, stretching, or even dancing counts. Movement is good for both the body and the soul because it releases tension and helps you reconnect with yourself. And don’t forget regular medical check-ups. Many caregivers tend to delay these, saying, “I don’t have time right now.”
Self-care, therefore, is not a luxury, nor is it just about pleasant moments. Sometimes it requires conscious decisions, attention, and consistency. Because when you look after yourself—whether through what you eat, how you move, or by going to a doctor—you aren’t just doing it for yourself. You are doing it so you can continue to be there for those who need you.
The Role of Respite in Caregiving
Many family members caring for someone with dementia feel they cannot afford to “step away.” It feels as if everything would stop without them—as if only they can properly look after their mother or father. This feeling is understandable, as caregiving is a deeply personal task born of love.
However, you cannot be present continuously, without a break, without it taking a toll. Short breaks and a few minutes of rest help in daily life, but true recharging often comes when you can truly step out of the situation and actually hand the task over to someone else. This is why organizing stable, planned respite care is crucial.
Not occasionally, not at the last minute, but by thinking ahead. This could be a family member, a relative, or a professional caregiver. The point is to have a reliable system you can lean on.
Many find it hard to ask for help or feel guilty for “opting out” for a while. But this isn’t neglect. On the contrary, it is responsible caregiving. It is important to have a full day now and then when the caregiver is truly free from the task. Not just for a few hours, but completely. A time when you don’t have to watch, be on standby, or react.
This is when you can truly rest, switch off, and find your way back to yourself. You can plan an outing, meet others, or just “be” without obligations. This makes it possible not just to survive this period, but to live through it as a human being, not just a caregiver. Ultimately, this is what is best for your loved one too: a person who is not exhausted or burnt out, but truly present.
Remember: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Your well-being matters just as much as your loved one’s. For more support on navigating guilt, preventing burnout, and building emotional resilience, visit our Caring for the Caregiver: A Guide to Mental Health and Emotional Resilience – Dementia in Practice Sanctuary. You are not alone in this journey.
Important Disclaimer
The information and advice presented on this website and in this article are for informational purposes only. They do not constitute a medical diagnosis or individual therapeutic recommendations. The operator/author of the website assumes no liability for any direct or indirect damages, health issues, or misunderstandings resulting from the use of this information. Everyone applies the described methods at their own risk. Please consult your physician before making any lifestyle changes or applying any complementary therapies.
About the Author
Zsuzsa Szatmári – Dementia Caregiver, Mental Health Assistant
I have more than 12 years of practical experience in caring for elderly people and patients living with dementia. My goal is to translate knowledge about dementia into understandable, practical advice that can be applied in daily life, thereby helping families live together with the disease. As the author of several professional books and the founder of a popular Facebook page, my mission is to provide clear and, above all, usable guidance to all those who care for loved ones living with dementia.