When most people think of dementia, forgetfulness is the first thing that comes to mind. For example, lost memories or forgotten names. However, family members often find themselves facing a completely different problem in their daily lives: constant repetition. The exact same question, over and over again. The same question can be asked multiple times a minute, such as:
“When are we going home?”
“What time is it?”
“When are you coming next?”
“Where is my wallet?”
Memory Function Impairment
Many family members initially think that their loved one simply wasn’t paying attention to the answer. In most cases, though, this is not what is happening.
One of the consequences of dementia is that new information cannot take root and be stored properly. The answer is given, and your loved one with dementia might even understand it, but a few minutes later, they can no longer recall it. Because of this, they repeat the question again, even if they have already received an answer many times before.
It Is Exhausting for Family Members
The first few times, it is usually easy to stay patient. You know that they are not asking again on purpose. But when the exact same question is asked six times in five minutes, we become impatient and exhausted. Many people feel guilty in these moments. “Why am I getting irritated? It’s not their fault, after all.” This dual feeling (exhaustion and guilt) is very common among family members of someone with dementia.
What Can You Do?
While it is usually impossible to eliminate repetition completely, a few methods can help reduce the constant questioning.
- Keep your answers short: The longer and more detailed explanation you give, the harder it can be to process and remember. Simple, short answers are better, for example: “I’ll be back this afternoon.” “Your wallet is in the drawer.” “We are leaving after lunch.”
- Try to anticipate the questions: If you know that certain topics come up regularly, it is worth sharing the answer in advance, meaning you should weave the answer into the conversation. For example: “I am going home now, but I will visit you again tomorrow morning.”
- Use visual aids: A wall calendar, a notebook, or a clearly visible sign can help in many cases. If someone constantly asks when the family is arriving, write it down on a wall calendar and show them that it is written right there.
- Take a break: This is perhaps the most important point because repeating questions and constantly answering can be incredibly exhausting.
Caregivers of someone with dementia often feel that they must always be patient. The reality, however, is that no one is capable of infinite patience. If you can, go into another room, the kitchen, or the bathroom for a few minutes. Some people are calmed by silence, while others find peace by playing on their phone for a bit. The main thing is to try to step away for a moment from the situation that is draining you. Even if you cannot leave for a whole day, “mini-breaks” (regular 5-minute breathers) can be deeply refreshing.
Important Disclaimer
The information and advice presented on this website and in this article are for informational purposes only. They do not constitute a medical diagnosis or individual therapeutic recommendations. The operator/author of the website assumes no liability for any direct or indirect damages, health issues, or misunderstandings resulting from the use of this information. Everyone applies the described methods at their own risk. Please consult your physician before making any lifestyle changes or applying any complementary therapies.
About the Author
Suzanne Sandwiese – Dementia Caregiver, Mental Health Assistant
I have more than 12 years of practical experience in caring for elderly people and patients living with dementia. My goal is to translate knowledge about dementia into understandable, practical advice that can be applied in daily life, thereby helping families live together with the disease. As the author of several professional books and the founder of a popular Facebook page, my mission is to provide clear and, above all, usable guidance to all those who care for loved ones living with dementia.
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