When a loved one with dementia seems stubborn – what is actually behind it?

Many family members say that their loved one with dementia has “become very stubborn.” They do not want to bathe, they refuse medication, they do not want to go to the doctor, or they simply say no to everything.

Most of the time, it is not about stubbornness, but rather that because of dementia, it is becoming increasingly difficult for them to understand what is happening around them. This causes uncertainty, fear, and anxiety, to which our loved one often reacts with resistance.

Why do they say no so often?

• Because they are afraid of what they do not understand

Due to dementia, situations that differ from the usual can easily become scary. A new caregiver, a medical check-up, or even a tiny change in daily routines can confuse them. If someone with dementia does not understand who this is, what they want, or what is happening to them, it is natural that they try to protect themselves.

• Because they cling to familiar things

Day after day, our loved one with dementia experiences losing control over more and more things. This is why well-known routines and environments are particularly important to them. If these change, they may resist more easily.

• Because they find it hard to express how they feel

Often, they do not say no because they do not want to cooperate, but because they cannot find the words to say they are afraid, in pain, tired, or deeply confused. In these moments, resistance becomes a form of communication.

• Because changes are becoming harder and harder

As dementia progresses, the ability to adapt decreases. What used to be simple and understandable before is now too much and incomprehensible all at once. A new task or request can easily overwhelm them, so they choose to refuse it instead.

What can we do in these situations?

The most important thing is not to argue with them and not to try to convince them at all costs. This usually only increases the tension.

A few simple things can help a lot:

• Speak in short, simple sentences.
• Make only one request at a time.
• Break down a task or request into simpler, smaller steps.
• Give them time to answer; do not rush them.
• Try to ensure that home routines do not change.
• If possible, offer choices. For example: “Would you like to wear the blue one or the gray one?” This way, they feel less like their ability to make decisions is being taken away.

See the cause, not the stubbornness

When our loved one with dementia resists, they are often not fighting against us. Instead, they are struggling with their own uncertainty, their fears, and a world that is becoming increasingly difficult for them to understand. Keeping this in mind makes it easier to respond with patience.

Important Disclaimer

The information and advice presented on this website and in this article are for informational purposes only. They do not constitute a medical diagnosis or individual therapeutic recommendations. The operator/author of the website assumes no liability for any direct or indirect damages, health issues, or misunderstandings resulting from the use of this information. Everyone applies the described methods at their own risk. Please consult your physician before making any lifestyle changes or applying any complementary therapies.

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About the Author

Suzanne Sandwiese – Dementia Caregiver, Mental Health Assistant

I have more than 12 years of practical experience in caring for elderly people and patients living with dementia. My goal is to translate knowledge about dementia into understandable, practical advice that can be applied in daily life, thereby helping families live together with the disease. As the author of several professional books and the founder of a popular Facebook page, my mission is to provide clear and, above all, usable guidance to all those who care for loved ones living with dementia.