Family members and caregivers of people living with dementia often face the situation where their loved one says over and over again: “I want to go home.” Many times, they say this even when they are right there in their own home, or in a place where they have been living for years.
This sentence often brings sadness, helplessness, and exhaustion to those around them. However, it is important to know that in these moments, they are not looking for a specific physical address; instead, there is some kind of emotional need or inner tension behind their words.
Why Do They Say “I Want to Go Home”?
Looking for Safety
“Home” often does not mean a specific address, but rather the feeling of being safe, loved, and protected. For someone with dementia, the world becomes increasingly confusing, so they instinctively look for that feeling of safety.
Feeling Anxious
Dementia is often accompanied by uncertainty and fear. Your loved one with dementia does not always understand what is happening around them, and they might not know exactly where they are or why they are there. Saying “I want to go home” can be an expression of this anxiety.
Searching for Familiarity
Old memories often last longer than recent events. It can happen that the image of their childhood home or their home from young adulthood is the strongest in their mind. In these cases, they are actually looking for that old, familiar world.
Something Has Upset Them
Sometimes, even a tiny event can trigger this need:
- too much noise or bustle,
- the presence of strangers,
- an argument or tension in the environment,
- pain or feeling unwell,
- too many stimuli at once.
Since our loved one with dementia can no longer always express their exact problem, “I want to go home” can be a general way of expressing uncomfortable feelings.
Feeling Lonely
People living with dementia often lose their sense of connection. They might say they want to go home even when what they actually long for is company, attention, or reassurance.
Being Bored
If there is no activity to keep them engaged, it is easier for them to dwell on their uncertainties and fears. In these moments, “going home” can appear as a desire to escape.
A Shifted Sense of Time
It can happen that they feel they need to go home to their parents, their children, or their spouse, even though these people might no longer be alive or are actually sitting right next to them. Dementia can significantly affect a person’s orientation in time.
How Can We Distract Their Attention?
In most cases, it is not worth arguing or trying to convince them with logical explanations. If we try to convince them that they are already home, it will only upset them more. It is much more effective to try to understand their feelings and gently steer their attention in another direction.
Music
Musical memories are often preserved even in advanced stages of dementia.
- favorite songs from their youth,
- folk songs,
- religious hymns,
- well-known hits,
- singing together.
Looking at Old Photographs
Family albums can be very soothing. The goal is not to test their memory, but to start a conversation.
- childhood pictures,
- wedding photos,
- old places they lived,
- vacations,
- pictures of grandchildren.
Talking About Their Past
Ask them questions like:
- What was your school like?
- What kind of work did you do?
- What did you like to cook?
- Where did you grow up?
Recalling old memories often provides a sense of security.
Simple Household Chores
Many feel calmed when they can feel useful.
- folding towels,
- matching socks,
- sorting vegetables,
- watering flowers,
- setting the table.
Going for a Walk
A short walk in the garden or down the street often releases tension. The best approach can be to act as if we agreed to go home, then take a walk around the house, and upon entering the apartment, act as if we have just arrived home.
Favorite Items
- an old photo album,
- needlework or crafts,
- a prayer book,
- a favorite blanket,
- old everyday objects.
Shared Activities
- making tea or coffee,
- baking,
- simple board games,
- craft activities,
- spending time with animals.
Emotional Reassurance
Sometimes, you do not need any special tools. A calm voice, holding their hand, or a hug can be enough. For example: “I can see that you are feeling anxious right now.”
Buying Time
We can say things like:
- “Alright, but let’s get dressed first.” (dressing them slowly, looking for clothes)
- “Let’s use the restroom first.”
- “Let’s wait for XY first.”
When It Doesn’t Stop
There are cases when the repetition of “I want to go home” does not stop. Your loved one might become increasingly restless, pace up and down, cry, make demands, or even become aggressive. Behind this escalating restlessness, there could be strong anxiety, pain, an infection, medication side effects, excessive noise or sensory overload, or the progression of dementia itself.
Aggressive behavior is not driven by malice. The person affected is often so confused or frightened that they are no longer able to express their tension in any other way. It is essential to report any aggression to the doctor.
Exhaustion of Family and Caregivers
Family members often feel guilty when they realize they have become tired or irritable. Yet, constant repetition can be extremely draining. Hearing the same question for hours, reassuring someone over and over again, and then seeing everything start all over again just a few minutes later is emotionally and physically exhausting. Many family members experience helplessness, sadness, anger, guilt, lack of sleep, and so on.
Dementia affects how the brain works. The person involved truly experiences the fear and uncertainty, even if they cannot put it into exact words. This is why experienced caregivers do not primarily listen to the words, but to the feelings behind them. When someone says, “I want to go home,” they are often actually trying to say:
“I’m scared.”
“I’m confused.”
“I don’t feel safe.”
“I need someone to be here with me.”
The best response in these moments is not an explanation, but patience and distraction. Because even though someone with dementia might not always remember what was said to them, they can feel whether they were approached with kindness and a sense of safety.
Important Disclaimer
The information and advice presented on this website and in this article are for informational purposes only. They do not constitute a medical diagnosis or individual therapeutic recommendations. The operator/author of the website assumes no liability for any direct or indirect damages, health issues, or misunderstandings resulting from the use of this information. Everyone applies the described methods at their own risk. Please consult your physician before making any lifestyle changes or applying any complementary therapies.
About the Author
Suzanne Sandwiese – Dementia Caregiver, Mental Health Assistant
I have more than 12 years of practical experience in caring for elderly people and patients living with dementia. My goal is to translate knowledge about dementia into understandable, practical advice that can be applied in daily life, thereby helping families live together with the disease. As the author of several professional books and the founder of a popular Facebook page, my mission is to provide clear and, above all, usable guidance to all those who care for loved ones living with dementia.